What the internet is really made of

I was on Graph Jam when I saw this:

So I was thinking "Well, that's just not true." So I made my own, more correct graph.

Don't you think that's better?
Also, go to the Wikipedia home page to get a handy-dandy list of your congress men! Call them, write a disgruntled letter, or send them a frightening email, if you want to! Tell them to down-vote (heh, reddit) SOPA/PIPA and to make this world a better place! Also, check out The Oatmeal's protest!
For those of you who don't know, SOPA/PIPA would allow a company to shut down your website or any website with no real reason. They could say that you put something copyrighted up, and that they want it down. Think of all the stuff like that on YouTube! They would get shut down in seconds! Same with Face Book, which I know you all love dearly. DOWN WITH SOPA AND PIPA, WHICH WOULD RUIN THE INTERNET!


EDIT
I spelled 'Porn' wrong on the pie chart.

I made music!

So, I have too much time and a copy of FL Studio and I made this:

FISH:

Hosted by kiwi6.com file hosting.
Download mp3 - Free File Hosting.

I'll post more songs as I make them.

The Hipster Menace

Many people despise hipsters. They are easily recognizable. Here is a diagram I've constructed by studying these strange beast in their natural habitats: Art schools, protests, and in Starbucks across the country:

We all want to stay away from this type of person. They will consume you with jabber about how mainstream the band "Dispatch" is and that they are now into the band "Mountain Goat Milk Squids".

The hipster female can vary from location to location, but one theme stays the same: knit clothing. They all have knit clothing, from their head to their feet.

I decided to go further into the field to research. I went to a thrift store (where most hipsters shop) and bought myself a fedora and chunky, thick frame glasses with no lens'. 

I approached the edge of a newly formed peaceful protest group outside of a mall. I am not very fluent in hipster, but I got that they were protesting greed and corruption of corporations. I approached the group, but I became to scared to get any closer. 

A wise man once told me that fear was actually an acronym. It stood for Face Everything And Recover. But, in the wise words of the great author Stephen King, I'm pretty sure it stands for "F*ck Everything And Run"

Many nights after that day were spent in a dark, shadowy corner of my house, trying to make myself believe that hipsters could not hurt me. 

I imagined myself as the protagonist in a zombie movie, except the zombies were hipsters. That helped a lot.

I am cured of my fear and now I live in peace without worrying that hipsters will attack me. 

Good night, and to all a good flossing.

Gingers and You!

Ginger accounts for about 2% of the population in the whole world!

But did you know that ginger is actually a...root? vegetable?....anyways, it's delicious and spicy! But it's not even close to orange.

Many people believe that ginger does not have a soul, while everybody else does!

Do you know why people cringe at ginger? I've researched and come up with this list:

As I studied further into this, I concocted a simple equation to use gingers to turn a profit! We've assumed that ginger have no soul, so that makes them evil.

So get out there and get some ginger!

I almost died sledding

Sledding is my favorite past time. Screw baseball and apple pie, sledding is where 'Merica's really at. See any snow covered hills? I'll be if you do, there's kids on 'em. Why do I like sledding? The simple joy of goin' REAL fast down a hill. Then nearly killing yourself in trees.

I remember countless times I ran straight into a thorn bush, letting expletives flow through me like x-lax in an old person. I would recover quickly from most-just a bloody nose or a bruised knee- but others were much worse.

On one particular occasion, I remember hitting a fallen tree with my orange plastic sled and being catapulted into the air like a ragdoll.  

                                              

As I sailed through the air, I remember the feeling of knowing i'm going to die. This was very calming, for some reason, and I tried to will myself to panic. I imagined hundreds- no, thousands of on lookers watching in horror as a future president/astronaut/firefighter/policeman/army guy flew through the air to his death. I thought of all the things I never got to do.

By then, I started to fall back to the earth. I felt myself start cry, knowing these were my last few seconds alive. I thought to myself, Goodbye, awesome world.

Then I hit the ground.

 I thought that heaven was cold and tasted a lot like dirt. All of the sudden, I heard the distant voice of my friend saying, "Jake? Get up. You look stupid."

That day, I had come to closest to what I thought would be death. In 15 minutes, I was sledding again.

Good night, and to all a good flossing.